we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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