so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
