Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Randomize
