So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize