Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
