I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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