I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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