man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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