you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she looked like the before picture.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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