dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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