i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
