I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
