you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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