so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
