I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
