i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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