I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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