I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
