Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My bed smells like the plague
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