Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
