What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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