Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
