My cat gives me a boner
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
