Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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