Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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