and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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