genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
