The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
