then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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