she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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