he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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