great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
4 words: hood of his car
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
