when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
