I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dear god my vagina.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
