if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
