Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
