Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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