I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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