I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
