Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
