Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
