You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This baby is an asshole
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
