he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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