I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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