she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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