hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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