this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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