If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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