why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
