Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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