just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
