somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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