i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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