I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
