Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
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No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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