oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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