those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
