I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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