When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
