He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
