Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
