So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize