totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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