we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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