I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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