So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
