It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
