I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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