i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize