Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
