i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
