Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
