If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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