Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
