I wannas sexs uuuuu
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you win again, gameday.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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