I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
please come you make the beer taste better
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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