Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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