I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
