the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think my moral compass just broke
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
