She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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